When you think about it to successfully navigate day-to-day relationships at home and at work, we have to have pretty effective emotion regulation strategies. Imagine what would happen if we didn't regulate our emotions continually. Every minor annoyance, frustration and fancy would have us reacting in ways that would be completely socially unacceptable. We would become victims of our emotions, acting on the almost moment by moment variations in emotion we have have during the day.
From the moment we wake up, we regulate the swathe of emotions often without even being aware of it. Just going to work in the morning is a triumph of emotion regulation. The alarm goes off, I am sure there are likely to be other things you would rather be doing than getting up and going to work. The tooth paste has run out or you don't have time for breakfast when you would probably rather putting your feet up, reading the paper and having a leisurely breakfast.
Driving or taking public transport, again is an assault course of emotional obstacles. Even seeing something you fancy like a bar of chocolate or an attractive stranger and deciding not to just take them is another success of emotion regulation. It's an almost minute by minute task, and we rarely notice it happening.
Most of us are regulating our emotions continually, without thought and without effort.
For a short period today, just notice how much you are successfully and automatically regulating your emotions. You might be amazed.
The problem comes when our emotions move out of the everyday sphere of automatic regulatory control and they themselves take control of our behaviour on a more regular basis. When anxiety or anger for instance, expands across a boundary to become a feature rather than a background and unnoticed emotion, to start affecting our lives and often the lives of others then things can start to go wrong.
In the next series of blogs I will have a look at what happens when our emotions come to prominence and take hold. I will look at the six base emotions of Fear (obviously), Anger, Sadness, Hurt, Guilt and Attachment.